Why is it that 35% of women over the age of 50 dance like Elaine from Seinfeld? For those of you who need a reminder of what this abortion of human movement looks like, you need not look any further...
You are probably sitting there questioning the logic behind the 35% rating...admit it. I can tell you that this is all based on solid fact and years of keen observation. Take a step back and think about the following situations:
- All-inclusive resorts - basically a "safe haven" for the "elaine dance". Even the most rational of the group has a hard time not busting out some god forsaken dance move in this environment. No question the issue here, copious amounts of alcohol and prison quality food.
- Weddings - enough said. Is that cotton-eyed Joe I hear?
- Concerts - particularly those in large arena setups that include horrid in-seat dancing. Please, keep your elbows in lady. I've seen my buddies die in the muck from a blow with half the propulsion of your elbow twitch...
- Small night clubs or concerts that attract people that are clearly on a day pass from a mental institution... Sometimes identifying a "crazy" is harder than you think...you go through a real range of emotions trying to be sure... here is a tip - if they have massive pit stains AND/OR urinate in their pants, there is something wrong.
- A teachers end of year party - you know the one... Principal so and so holds the party at his cottage. A "Ghetto Blaster" from 1996, a CD collection that proudly features Kenny G, Rod Stewart, and Justin Bieber (just to prove that he/she is "hip") records, some pilsner beer and of course pre-made mixed drinks. About 32% of the teachers show up for this bash. All of them have sweaters, despite the balmy weather. After some lemon gin smoothies and microwave popcorn, they bust out the dance... a room full of coffee stains and bad moves.
- etc
The news isn't all bad though, 65% of women over 50 actually opt not to dance, so thankfully the "Elaine moves" will remain in the minority for the foreseeable future. When you consider that reality, we all have a lot to be thankful for
Back to my bottle of Jameson...
